I find myself in a cross roads. A place where I am seeking to hear God. But there is silence. I hear nothing. I pray. I read. I worship. I quiet my life. And yet, I hear nothing. It is in these times that I struggle. I am seeking, truly. I’m at a now what stage? I find myself in more personal conflict, as I focus my living on Christlikeness. Likely because I know the difference and can feel the convictions, where as before my intentional living; I was ignorant or passive. But why, when I am seeking God so intensely; does He not answer my cries. As I discovered through reading; I am a lukewarm Christian. A term very applicable to me and I’m sure other may feel the same way. I can seek God, as intentionally as I like; but if I’m only offering Him lukewarm – lukewarm response it what I will get in return. I read a very interesting point regarding lukewarm Christian living and I have realized that I am living too comfortably. Too complacent. I’m afraid of radical. I’m afraid of solely, wholeheartedly putting my faith and trust in God to provide. I contribute to retirement savings. We have an emergency fund. We work hard to pay off our mortgage. We tithe. We donate. But, I have not trusted God in His holiness to truly provide for my every need. I am trusting myself. And this lukewarm living is not allowing God to speak to me. I don’t know what this radical Christian life I desire to live looks like. Quite honestly it excites and frightens me all at the same time. I want to live a life full of joy and giving. Full of love for others and touching their lives. A life, where my children know God and his glory. A life where we truly know we are blessed. A life where I NEED God and know that without Him I am empty. I pray for that guidance from the Holy Spirit.
“Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
Mark 12:29-31
What a reminder this is for me. I seek God; but am I really loving God with ALL my heart and ALL my soul and ALL my mind and All my strength. What does this look like? Do you feel this same way? Do you search and pursue God and come up feeling distance and ignored. Do you feel abandoned?
I pray for a radical change in direction for my life. I pray for a radical change in yours. I want so badly to walk hand in hand with God, but I need to commit to Him and be willing to give Him everything.
Blessings, Michelle